To see more, visit YR Media.This is the emotional moment when two hairless chimpanzees share their love and affection for each other. Copyright © Youth Radio, 2016.Ĭopyright 2023 YR Media. Teresa Chin was lead designer and producer, and Storm White the design associate. This story was produced by Youth Radio's outLoud, with illustrations & story by reporter Desmond Meagley. When I look at my art, and how much it's evolved, I appreciate how much my struggles, and the skills I've developed, have shaped me. It's my way of preserving the past, coping with the present and visualizing the future.īut now, I don't need to escape to feel comfortable with myself. The person I am today could have walked out of a drawing I did eight years ago.ĭrawing isn't just a hobby for me: It's how I process my thoughts and experiences. I wear black, and I like bleaching and dying my hair and occasionally applying nail polish. Today, I'm 19 and have long hair that's cut short on the sides. Lots of them made me cringe, but when I looked at some of my old characters, I noticed familiar features. But recently I found a box of my old drawings. But that phase of denial wasn't meant to last past the last weeks of middle school, when I came out as transgender.Īt the time, I didn't ascribe much significance to the role drawing has played in my life. I thought that if I couldn't be normal, then I could at least be accepted on the outside. My drawings provided a raft of confidence that let me drift slowly through the turbulent waters of my early teens. I could turn off my thoughts and let the pen take over until the day was over - and then I could disappear. And when I did make it to class, putting my head down to sketch was much more attractive than trying to socialize or focus on schoolwork. Going to school caused me so much anxiety and dysphoria that I'd fake being sick to stay home. I figured being a girl was an acquired taste: unpleasant at first, but you eventually get used to it and begin to enjoy it. On the one hand, I liked the positive attention. It was bittersweet to get compliments on my more feminized appearance. I masked myself with smeary lip gloss and eye shadow. Meanwhile, in real life, I tried to dress the way the girls in my class did, to look more feminine than I felt. But some of the bodies I drew definitely felt "right." My characters were half friends, half alter egos. I never felt like I was living in the wrong body. He wore nail polish, piercings and black clothing.ĭrawing him was like escaping myself for a moment: I could be where he was, do what he was doing, and think his thoughts. I related strongly to one character in particular: He was an artist short, with long, silver-dyed hair and shaved patches on the sides of his head. I found myself drawing a lot of androgynous dudes. ![]() But then, one day, I was talking to one of them over lunch and he said, "You know, it's weird that you're a girl and you hang out with us."ĭuring this time, my drawings were also changing. ![]() So I mostly hung out with a group of guys who shared my interests in drawing, Internet culture and video games. In middle school, it became increasingly difficult to relate to girls from my class. So I took characters out of computer games, books and movies, and imagined them like they were there hanging out with me.Įven when I did spend time with other kids, I felt out of place. It was hard to make friends when my family moved so much. When I felt lonely, homesick or just bored, I drew my imaginary friends and characters from my favorite games. I was a young kid with a changing family, moving from city to city, and drawing gave me a distraction. But even then I knew that didn't quite fit. ![]() My interest in drawing started as a way to deal with my feelings.
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